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What I’d say to my 18-year-old self: “You’ve got BPD.”
Borderline Personality Disorder - or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, as it is now often termed - was even a ‘thing’. Listening to a phone-in on a local radio station, I found myself relating to almost every trait listed by fellow sufferers: impulsive behaviours; lack of sense of self (I have always felt I have a quality of invisibility around me, my voice not heard or perhaps not even sure of what it wants to say); emotional instability and massive overreaction to perceived slights or, far worse, abandonment; self-harm; and a predisposition for intense but unbalanced or unhealthy relationships.“Oh my God”, I exclaimed, turning to Alex (my husband and the longest suffering hero in the Northern Hemisphere) - “that’s me!”From there began my bumpy nine year journey towards an eventual diagnosis, fuller self-awareness, and healing.BPD is a complex condition which varies enormously in its intensity.