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How Getting Sober Healed My Dating Life (When I Thought It Would Ruin It)

“Sometimes we motivate ourselves by thinking of what we want to become. Sometimes we motivate ourselves by thinking about who we don’t ever want to be again.” ~Shane Niemeyer

When I faced the prospect of no longer anymore (at age twenty-one!), after eight years of heavy boozing, I had so many questions about my dating life.

Will I be fun anymore? Will I have FOMO? How will I cope with stress? What will I drink on dates? Will anyone want to be with me? What will sober sex be like? Omg!

These questions paralyzed me, as I couldn’t imagine my life without alcohol, yet I couldn’t imagine my life with it either. I put down the drink and with it, I thought I surrendered my desirability and compatibility as a potential partner.

That couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Over time, I’ve realized plenty of people don’t mind that I’m sober; some even like it or are sober too. Ultimately, I found I didn’t really care what others thought because I was okay with myself.

The reality was, slowly but surely, getting sober healed my , sex, and love life for good. Here’s how.

Feeling My Feelings

Gosh, alcohol seemed to solve everything. Stressed? Drink. Excited? Drink. Sad? Drink.

I’m face-to-face with reality without picking up the bottle every time I have a feeling. I don’t get to check out. It’s a good thing, honestly. It means I feel the spectrum of feelings and am present with them, which helps me work through those feelings in a healthy way.

I recently , and it destroyed me emotionally. Even though I was the initiator, I felt so many feelings.

I spent the first few weeks running from my feelings by trying to meet people on dating apps (what a joke that was at such a raw point!), but I quickly realized this wouldn’t serve me. I

liking life feelings Sex sadness

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