I looked at this little, tiny baby in an incubator, and I felt numb. Then the guilt and shock quietly took over. When Louis’ due date was upon us, unfortunately the labour was short and traumatic.
He was whisked off to neonatal intensive care (NICU) before I even saw him, and I literally thought he had died. For a moment, I believed wholeheartedly that the thing I was dreading the most had happened, right at the last hurdle.
So when, at around 5am the next day, I took myself to the NICU to see my baby boy, I felt nothing. He was the baby I had longed for after everything that had happened, but when I looked at him, I didn’t know how I felt.
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