liking feelings behaviour

What I’d say to my 18-year-old self: “You’ve got BPD.”

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Borderline Personality Disorder - or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, as it is now often termed - was even a ‘thing’.

Listening to a phone-in on a local radio station, I found myself relating to almost every trait listed by fellow sufferers: impulsive behaviours; lack of sense of self (I have always felt I have a quality of invisibility around me, my voice not heard or perhaps not even sure of what it wants to say); emotional instability and massive overreaction to perceived slights or, far worse, abandonment; self-harm; and a predisposition for intense but unbalanced or unhealthy relationships.“Oh my God”, I exclaimed, turning to Alex (my husband and the longest suffering hero in the Northern Hemisphere) - “that’s me!”From there began my bumpy nine year journey towards an eventual diagnosis, fuller self-awareness, and healing.BPD is a complex condition which varies enormously in its intensity.

Although I have previously self-harmed I have never been suicidal or psychotic, so my diagnosis is mild to moderate … which is a positive thing, of course, but also means I am far less likely to be able to access specialist therapies such as dialectical behavioural therapy which would target my highly charged emotional responses and help me live more peacefully within my own mind.

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