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It was close to midnight when there was a ring on the doorbell that sent my internal alarm systems to high alert. He hadn’t messaged in hours. Before I even opened the door, my stomach sunk as something in the way he hadn’t communicated felt so fundamentally wrong… there stood two police officers who came into my living room and told me the words that would change my life forever, ‘Mark was found dead this afternoon.’"No words can truly describe becoming a widow so young.

I have only one memory of the first five years of my childhood.  It was a sunny day, and I was in the park with my parents and maternal grandparents. I was playing, and my mum seemed sad and withdrawn. She was in a blue dressing gown and slippers.

Argraffiadau cyntafDdechrau Mai dechreuais ar daith newydd gyffrous fel Pennaeth Rhwydweithiau (Cymru), sy’n golygu fy mod yn gweithio’n agos â grwpiau Mind lleol yng Nghymru ac yn eu cefnogi nhw i helpu mwy o bobl sy’n byw gyda phroblem iechyd meddwl.Ar fy niwrnod cyntaf yn y swydd es ar daith i Ogledd Cymru i ymweld â fy Mind lleol cyntaf erioed yn Mind Conwy, cyn mynd draw i Mind Dyffryn Clwyd.  Ni chymerodd yn hir i mi sylweddoli fod y rhwydwaith Mind lleol yn rhywbeth arbennig iawn, y galon sy'n curo yn eu cymunedau ble maen nhw'n byw ac yn achubiaeth i gymaint.Mae’r gefnogaeth leol yn ymateb yn drawiadol ac yn uniongyrchol i anghenion y cymunedau ac o gofio fod 19 Mind lleol ar draws Cymru, yn darparu cefnogaeth iechyd meddwl i blant, pobl ifanc ac oedolion, mae’r hyn sy’n cael ei gynnig yn syfrdanol ac yn unigryw. Gyda gwasanaethau fel therapïau sgwrsio, llinellau cymorth argyfwng, canolfannau galw i mewn, cynlluniau cyflogaeth a hyfforddi, cwnsela a chyfeillio, mae yna gymaint o gefnogaeth ar gael ac wedi’i deilwra i ymateb i angen.  Ar y fforddUn o'r grwpiau Mind lleol yr oeddwn yn ffodus i ymweld â nhw yn ddiweddar oedd Mind Sir Benfro, ac mi oedd y Dirprwy Weinidog dros Iechyd Meddwl a Lles, Lynne Neagle AoS hefyd yn ymweld ar yr un diwrnod.

First impressionsAt the beginning of May I embarked on an exciting new journey as Head of Networks (Wales), a role that sees me working closely with local Minds in Wales and supporting them to help more people living with a mental health problem.Day one of the role saw me make the trip to North Wales, visiting my first ever local Mind in Conwy Mind, before heading over to Vale of Clwyd Mind, and it didn’t take long for me to realise that the local Mind network is a very special place indeed, the beating heart of their communities in which they reside and a lifeline to so many.The hyperlocal support responding directly to the needs of communities is impressive, and when you consider there are 19 local Minds across Wales providing mental health support for children, young people and adults, the scale of the offer is staggering and quite unique. With services including talking therapies, crisis helplines, drop-in centres, employment and training schemes, counselling and befriending, there is much support on offer and tailored to respond to need.

Hull and East Yorkshire Mind website.For more information on the work that we do, please visit the Hull and East Yorkshire Mind website or follow us on social media @MindHEY.

“People make a lot of assumptions”Depression, and other mental health conditions can manifest in different ways, and people make a lot of assumptions about what a depressed person should look like.For example, as somebody who is outgoing, chatty, and confident, I’ve had counsellors say that I “don’t seem depressed” or that I don’t have “a reason” to be depressed. Depression can be linked to a reason, but this isn’t always the case.Sometimes, people will give me examples of things that I’ve achieved or things that I enjoy as reasons why I shouldn’t be depressed, or suggest that these things mean I “love life” and therefore don’t really want to end it.These kinds of comments can make me feel even more isolated and confused, which puts me off seeking help.

“Mae pobl yn gwneud llawer o ragdybiaethau”Mae iselder, a llawer o gyflyrau iechyd meddwl eraill, yn gallu ymddangos mewn gwahanol ffyrdd ac mae pobl yn gwneud llawer o ragdybiaethau ynghylch sut y dylai person isel edrych.Er enghraifft, fel rhywun sy’n allblyg, siaradus a hyderus, mae rhai cwnselwyr wedi dweud nad ydw i’n ‘ymddangos yn isel’ neu nad oes gen i ddim 'rheswm' dros fod yn isel.  Mae iselder yn gallu bod oherwydd rheswm, ond nid dyna’r achos pob tro.Weithiau, bydd pobl yn rhoi enghreifftiau i mi o bethau rwyf wedi’u cyflawni neu bethau rwy’n eu mwynhau fel rhesymau pan na ddylwn fod yn isel, neu'n awgrymu fod y pethau hynny golygu fy mod yn 'caru bywyd' ac felly ddim eisiau diweddu pethau go iawn.Mae’r mathau hyn o sylwadau’n gallu gwneud i mi deimlo hyd yn oed yn fwy ynysig a dryslyd, sy’n fy nhroi i ffwrdd o chwilio am help.

"Every time I tried to praise myself it felt tainted with all the self-doubt and self-hatred that's been there all my life."Then something happened. I stepped up when no one else would. I did everything, I changed everything, I gave up everything and I was proud of myself.

"Doedd gen i ddim syniad ble i ddechrau, felly anwybyddais e."Pan oeddwn i’n gweld rhywun arall ychydig yn doredig, ar unwaith roeddwn yn teimlo'n gyfrifol. Roeddwn yn arllwys pob owns o egni oedd gen i i helpu pobl eraill; i ddatrys problemau y gallen nhw fod wedi’u datrys eu hunain. Doeddwn i ddim eisiau canolbwyntio arna  i fy hun, roedd yn ormod o dasg.

“I was frequently overcome by dread, guilt and shame, and I felt disconnected from myself and other people.”Although I have worked closely with people who have serious mental health issues, when I myself began presenting with post-traumatic stress (PTSD) symptoms I was at a loss as to what was happening. I felt like I had absolutely no control over my mind or body and any sudden movement would incite panic.

my first psychotic episode in 2016. This was triggered by extreme stress and a severe lack of sleep after coming out of a long-term relationship. It didn’t help that I wasn’t happy with my job at the time either.

carer for my mother who had schizophrenia. Around the age of 9 I started noticing her symptoms. By the time I was 11 or 12 her symptoms had deteriorated and I was doing all I could to ensure that she was safe.Due to her schizophrenia, sometimes she would forget that I existed and would abandon me.

"Sylweddolais yn sydyn iawn nad ward seiciatrig oedd yr amgylchedd cywir i ferch ifanc gydag Anhwylder Bwyta."Cefais fy atgyfeirio gan fy nhîm CAMHS i’r Gwasanaethau Oedolion wrth geisio atal fy nirywiad yn y cyfamser.  Fodd bynnag, nid oedd ganddynt unrhyw bŵer i wneud penderfyniadau mawr ar fy rhan am fy mod dros 18 oed erbyn hyn, a oedd yn golygu fy mod yn parhau i fynd i’r Brifysgol a byw i ffwrdd o gartref.  Yn y cyfnod hwn, gwaethygodd fy Anhwylder Bwyta yn raddol a olygodd y bu’n rhaid i mi adael y Brifysgol.Cyrhaeddais bwynt argyfwng pan fu’n rhaid i fy ymgynghorydd CAMHS alw ward seiciatrig i oedolion a threfnu i mi gael fy nerbyn y diwrnod hwnnw.  Gyda gwaith caled fy ymgynghorydd, cefais fy nerbyn gan y Gwasanaethau Oedolion o’r diwedd a chefais fy nerbyn yn yr ysbyty.  Sylweddolais yn sydyn iawn nad ward seiciatrig oedd yr amgylchedd cywir i ferch ifanc gydag Anhwylder Bwyta.  Roedd y cleifion tair gwaith fy oedran ar y cyfan, gyda salwch meddwl a oedd yn amrywio o sgitsoffrenia, iselder a phroblemau dibyniaeth.  Nid oeddwn byth yn gwybod pryd y byddai helynt yn mynd i ddechrau, roeddwn yn teimlo’n anniogel ac wedi fy nghamddeall.  Profiad cyfyngedig oedd gan y tîm o Anhwylderau Bwyta felly nid oeddent yn sylwi ar fy ymddygiad ac roeddwn yn gallu parhau i golli pwysau.  Roeddwn yn teimlo nad oedd unrhyw un yn gwybod beth i’w wneud i fy helpu ac aeth nifer o wythnosau heibio cyn i fi gael cyswllt gyda Thîm Anhwylderau Bwyta Oedolion.  Erbyn y pwynt hwn, roeddwn mor sâl, ni allai unrhyw beth yr oedd unrhyw un yn ei ddweud wrthyf newid unrhyw beth."Roedd y cyfnod aros yn teimlo fel oes i fy rhieni, wrth iddynt fy ngweld yn gwanhau ac yn gwaethygu’n ddifrifol."Arhosais ar y ward seiciatrig am nifer o fisoedd, yn

"I never knew when things were going to ‘kick off’ and I felt unsafe and misunderstood."My CAMHS team made a referral for me to go to Adult Services whilst trying to prevent my deterioration in the meantime. However, they had no power to make big decisions over me as I was now over 18, which meant I continued to go to University and live away from home. In this time, my Eating Disorder got progressively worse which meant I had to drop out of University.I got to a crisis point where my CAMHS consultant had to call an adult psychiatric ward and get me admitted that day.

How long have you been volunteering in the Leigh on Sea Mind shop?I have been a volunteer for 16 years.Why did you start volunteering?My son was going to start secondary school. Due to him being disabled I was not able to work, so I decided that I would like to volunteer somewhere.I was waiting in my car outside the bank when the manager tapped on my window and said that we had the same number plate.

Why did you start volunteering?I had mental health problems and my GP put me under a support worker who suggested volunteering. I loved the people straight away, so I decided to stay here.What do you like the most about volunteering?I love all the staff, they have become like family to me.

How long have you been volunteering in the Rhyl Mind shop?I have been a volunteer for 23 years.Why did you start volunteering in the shop?When I finished college, I needed something to do to stop me being bored. I knew the Assistant Manager at the time.What do you like the most about volunteering?I have learnt new skills and built my confidence.

I finally recognised that the stomach aches, chest pain, fatigue and weight loss were not symptoms of a physical illness at all, they were my body’s response to severe anxiety.I went to appointment after appointment at the doctors, certain something was seriously wrong. After a long time and lots of tests I finally recognised that the stomach aches, chest pain, fatigue and weight loss were not symptoms of a physical illness at all, they were my body’s response to severe anxiety. I honestly couldn’t bear the idea of having food poisoning again and the thought alone was making me ill.The unfortunate fact about anxiety and panic attacks is that some of the symptoms are like the ones you’d expect from food poisoning.

“Mae wedi bod yn anodd ymdopi â’m problemau iechyd meddwl wrth dyfu’n oedolyn.”Dechreuodd fy stori iechyd meddwl pan oeddwn i’n 12 oed. Ers hynny, rydw i wedi bod yn delio â bwlimia, anhwylder personoliaeth emosiynol ansefydlog, iselder a gorbryder. Mae ceisio ymdopi â hynny i gyd ar yr un pryd â mynd i’r ysgol, cyrraedd eich arddegau a thyfu'n oedolyn – wedi bod yn daith anodd doeddwn i ddim yn disgwyl mynd arni.

Wythnos Ymwybyddiaeth Iechyd Meddwl yn cyrraedd yn llawer cynt bob blwyddyn! Ar ôl cael llawer o gysur a chefnogaeth dros y blynyddoedd wrth ddarllen 'Eich Straeon' ar wefan Mind, eleni rydw i wedi penderfynu ysgrifennu am fy mhrofiadau i a’r dulliau rydw i’n eu defnyddio i ymdopi. Fy nghefndirMae iechyd meddwl wedi bod yn agos at fy nghalon ers rhai blynyddoedd. Yn anffodus, collasom fy Nhad o ganlyniad i iselder yn 2007 – dyn hoffus, oedd â’i draed yn gadarn ar y ddaear, ac a oedd yn meddwl y byd o’i deulu.  Effeithiodd y golled ar bob un ohonom mewn ffordd na fyddem byth wedi gallu ei dychmygu.

Mental Health Awareness Week comes around far more quickly! For this one, after finding solace and support over the years in reading Mind’s ''Your Stories', I thought I’d take a punt at writing about my own experiences and coping mechanisms.My backgroundMental health is an issue which has been close to my heart for quite some time. Sadly in 2007, we lost my Dad to depression – a well-grounded and loving family man, his passing crippled us all in a way we never could have imagined.

bipolar disorder at 32. I had been living with it for close to 15 years. I had a very happy childhood but when I got into sixth form I became withdrawn, angry and moody. “My behaviour became more erratic, with wild mood swings.

Borderline Personality Disorder - or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, as it is now often termed - was even a ‘thing’. Listening to a phone-in on a local radio station, I found myself relating to almost every trait listed by fellow sufferers: impulsive behaviours; lack of sense of self (I have always felt I have a quality of invisibility around me, my voice not heard or perhaps not even sure of what it wants to say); emotional instability and massive overreaction to perceived slights or, far worse, abandonment; self-harm; and a predisposition for intense but unbalanced or unhealthy relationships.“Oh my God”, I exclaimed, turning to Alex (my husband and the longest suffering hero in the Northern Hemisphere) - “that’s me!”From there began my bumpy nine year journey towards an eventual diagnosis, fuller self-awareness, and healing.BPD is a complex condition which varies enormously in its intensity.

“Trying to get through my mental health problems whilst coming into adulthood has been a rollercoaster.”My mental health story started at 12. Since then I’ve been dealing with bulimia, emotionally unstable personality disorder, depression and anxiety. Trying to get through all that whilst going through school, becoming a teenager and coming into adulthood – has been s a rollercoaster I wasn’t expecting to ride.

Ble roedd y cariad ysol roedd pobl yn sôn amdano?Roeddwn i’n teimlo’n sâl. Wyddwn i ddim beth i’w wneud. Ar yr un pryd, roeddwn i’n teimlo cymaint o gywilydd.Cafodd Louis a minnau fynd adref ychydig ddyddiau wedyn a doedd gen i ddim mo'r syniad lleiaf ble i ddechrau.

There were no relaxing playlists, none of the fairy lights and candles I had promised myself. No positive affirmations in sight and a husband who felt helpless.Fast forward a few hours and I was now on the delivery suite, accepting an epidural I always said I didn’t want and having to lay in bed for my baby to be monitored. There were no relaxing playlists, none of the fairy lights and candles I had promised myself.

I looked at this little, tiny baby in an incubator, and I felt numb. Then the guilt and shock quietly took over. When Louis’ due date was upon us, unfortunately the labour was short and traumatic.

“People need to know that it’s fine to not feel themselves and that asking for help isn't being weak.”I am running for Mind in the hope that it makes people more aware that it’s OK to speak up for mental health and in the process lesson the stigmatisation and discrimination many people with mental health problems still feel. People need to know that it’s fine to not feel themselves and that asking for help isn't being “weak”.

grief was really hard on my mental health, and Toby was a light in the darkness after a traumatic time.I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was a teenager – I overthink and am over emotional with low self-esteem. I also have dyspraxia a condition that affects fine and gross motor skills, balance organisation skills and memory. Day to day life can take me so much more effort and energy about things people take for granted when you’re dyspraxic.I experienced a lot of bullying which led to me developing severe social anxiety and depression.

online was detrimental to my wellbeing and my mental health took a nosedive. I ended up being sectioned under the Mental Health Act with psychosis and later, schizoaffective disorder.Social media isn’t the reason I went through psychosis, but it was intertwined with my journey to rock bottom. When you work in social media, you’re immersed in it.

Universal Credit, trying to claim Personal Independence Payment (PIP) for my health issues.  I was having support from various services, but with the beginning of the lockdown it all seemed to vanish. I was alone in a fourth floor flat. I didn’t see or speak to other people for weeks at a time, but I was trying to stay strong for my adult children who were also struggling.“I had no money, no friends and was estranged from my family.

bipolar disorder is one thing, but the financial strain it causes when you are ill is another. It was recommended I claim benefits to help bridge the financial gap for my family when I got unwell.So I started the process applying for them. The first difficulty I encountered was finding out which ones to actually claim.

Mae Cruella, yn araf bach, wedi llwyddo i reoli fy mywyd, gymaint felly nes fy mod i’n ysgrifennu hwn o Uned Anhwylder Bwyta ymhell o gartref.  Yn sicr, nid dyma oeddwn i’n ddisgwyl fyddai fy mywyd yn 18 oed.  Pan oeddwn i’n 14 oed, gosodais nod i fi fy hunan, gydag un o’m ffrindiau ysgol, o fwyta’n iachach a cholli ychydig o bwysau.

I thought I was getting healthier but little did I know this was the birth of Cruella, who was slowly getting stronger and making me weaker. I began treatment for my eating disorder at 15 after one of my teachers at school suspected that I had an eating disorder and contacted my mother. I was already on a waiting list for CAMHS to receive treatment for anxiety after experiencing childhood traumas. While waiting for support, my anxiety got worse, with my panic attacks becoming more frequent.

anxiety disorder that is a type of PTSD.People often assume that being an anxious person makes you an unhappy person so I started to think about how it is that I do manage to cope so well, in case it may help others.I used to keep my anxiety and eating disorder secret. Then one day I heard a well-known poet at an event recite a poem about ‘shallow’ women with eating disorders in a derogatory way. So, I wrote and performed a poem about what it is really like to suffer from an eating disorder.

"My mood suddenly spiked and I booked to go to Singapore last minute despite having no money."Towards Christmas my mood dropped again and this lasted until April. I didn’t sit all of my exams and failed the ones I did sit. Instead of feeling low, my mood suddenly spiked and I booked to go to Singapore last minute and stay at the famous marine Bay Sands hotel despite having no money.

anhwylderau bwyta am dros 10 mlynedd. Dilynodd cyffuriau, problemau alcohol a hunan niweidio. Roeddwn yn gaeth mewn cylch o boen heb allu teimlo na deall beth oedd yn digwydd.

Eating disorders continued for more than 10 years. Drugs, alcohol problems and self harm followed. I was trapped in a vortex of pain without being able to feel or understand what was going on.

depression and anxiety, then having to be hospitalised for anorexia. Alongside those conditions though, there was always something else going on too.

GP smiled at me, flexed his arm at me and said  “You don’t look like you’ve got an eating disorder”. We both laughed, and I agreed. But there’s the problem.

Mayfield Nurseries in Southampton seven years ago, and it’s been a life-changer – and a lifesaver. Mayfield is a social enterprise that supports people like me struggling with mental health. Every penny we make from plant sales is ploughed back into helping people with mental health issues. I volunteered for the first 18 months, and for the past five years I’ve been fully employed here."I lost friends because they didn’t understand depression.

  returned to work too soon and this led me deeper into the depths of my depression."I was challenged by my therapist to find something to focus on, a hobby or wellbeing opportunity."Adrift from work and undergoing psychotherapy I was challenged by my therapist to find something to focus on, a hobby or wellbeing opportunity. I left that session and headed to Waterstones.

borderline personality disorder (BPD) prior to this and had always coped by keeping myself as busy as possible, but something within me had snapped and I was no longer able to hide the impact of my illness.I’d been struggling with self-harm and other self-destructive behaviours for several years and hadn’t been taught how to manage these properly. Being alone with my thoughts was impossible for me, and the only coping mechanism I knew that didn’t cause active harm to me was exercise.“My mind is a loud and active place, so the zen emptiness that physical activity provided felt euphoric.”Unused to having so much free time, and struggling to manage my ever fluctuating moods, in those first weeks out of work I decided to try to help improve my mental state through exercise and time outdoors.

eating disorder. At the time I thought I just had a weird fixation with academia. When I was studying, I would say to myself, “Oh well you could have lunch once you've done a certain number of hours work or once you've done this much of your checklist.”I wrongly got into my head that by being hungry I could maybe study better.

Monitro Gweithredol i fyny.  Roedd y ffaith y gallech chi hunan gyfeirio ar lein yn rhan fawr o’r apêl i mi,  A dweud y gwir, pe na byddai'r agwedd hunan gyfeirio yna, fyddwn i ddim wedi dal ati i ganfod cefnogaeth.

Active Monitoring popped up. The fact you could self-refer online was a big part of the appeal to me.

eating disorders like me, and the number of people hospitalised because they have lost their community treatment is horrific. Thankfully, my local Mind has been there for me when I’ve needed them – just as they were six years ago when I was at my lowest."I was put in the back of a police van, handcuffed and taken into an inpatient unit.