People-pleasing, overhelping, overgiving—we can give it lots of different names, but the consequences to putting yourself last all the time are generally the same.
You may have been raised to see giving and helping as virtuous things. And hear me say, they are. I believe wholeheartedly that it’s a beautiful thing to serve, support, and help others. However, people-pleasers don’t always know when to draw the line; they give and give almost as if they have an endless supply of time, energy, and resources.
Surprisingly, is often about control. It’s rooted in your need to try and boost your own self-esteem, avoid conflict, and manipulate the environment into what you need it to be to feel at ease.
But I can assure you, there are vast and detrimental consequences to working so hard to please and appease others. I know firsthand. My overgiving, overhelping ways were rooted in my deep need to be seen, supported, and cared for. I’ve experienced fried adrenal glands not once, but twice from pushing so hard to say yes to everything but me.
Let me share with you some of the costs of overgiving and people-pleasing now.
The more you try to please those around you, the less time you have for yourself and the things you need and desire, which then leads to feeling resentful.
If your needs aren’t being met by those around you (because let’s face it, most people-pleasers aren’t being honest and telling our people what we need), it can cause deep hurt and anger.
It’s not other people’s job to read our minds. It’s our job to speak our truth and be honest, but often, we fail to do so. So when they don’t intuit or “just know” our needs we start becoming resentful toward them too. “Arghhh, how can they be so uncaring?”
Mental.guide is your guide in the world of psychology. In our online-journal you will find answers to many questions: how to overcome stress and depression, how to control your worry, how to manage anxiety and phobia, how to start loving and respecting yourself and many others.
Here you will get pieces of advice from the psychologists who will help you understand yourself better and start living in a harmony with this world around. Everyday updates are waiting for you here. So, if your feel upset, depressed and worried our psycho guide is ready to help you! We are your online help that is always at hand.
Owner: SNOWLAND s.r.o.
Registration certificate 06691200
16200, Na okraji 381/41, Veleslavín, 162 00 Praha 6