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(NOTE: This post is a direct excerpt from the Self-Love & Self-Worth section of our newest book, “1000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships“.)Be OK with walking away. Rejection teaches you how to reject what’s not right for you.As you look back on your life, you will realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected by someone or from something you wanted, you were in fact being redirected to someone or something you needed.Seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough.

Oftentimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip.This short article was inspired by an email we received last night from a new course student:Dear Marc and Angel,Life hasn’t been the easiest on me over this past decade.  I won’t get into all the details now, but these hard times have left me with many cracks.  And although I’ve still managed to be a reasonably successful person, I often struggle desperately with my self-confidence.  I just don’t feel good enough most of the time.  I feel flawed.  I feel like my cracks make me undesirable.  It’s all in my head – I know it is!  But I really need help shifting my mindset.  I need a new outlook.  Do you have any insight that might assist me?Sincerely, A Shy StudentDear Shy Student,It’s time for a quick story about life…Once upon a time there was an elderly woman who needed to walk down to the river every morning to fetch water for drinking, cooking and cleaning.  She carried two buckets with her, filled them up at the riverbank, and walked back with them to her rural cottage home.One of the buckets was newer, perfectly sealed, and held its water flawlessly.  But the second bucket was older and contained a few thin cracks that would leak water onto the ground as the elderly woman walked.  By the time she arrived home, typically about one third of the water in the second bucket had leaked through its cracks.One day, on the walk down to the river, the cracked bucket – who had always felt like it wasn’t as good as the other bucket – said to the elderly woman, “I want you to know that I’ve been leaking water every morning for the past several years.  I’m so sorry for being cracked and making your life more difficult.  I understand if you

“If only…”  These two words paired together create one of the saddest phrases in the English language.Here are ten choices that ultimately lead to that phrase of regret, and how to elude them on the average day:Photo by: J.T. NoriegaSolid advice from you two as usual.

The reason for our suffering, in all walks of life, is our resistance to the truth.Sometimes it’s brutally hard to accept life’s greatest lessons. And yet we must!Because it’s lessons like these that ultimately make our lives beautiful, by showing us how to thrive even through the toughest of times…Typically, when I ask someone “How are you?” they reply, “I’m OK.” But this morning the attendant at the gas station replied, “Oh, I am absolutely marvelous!” Her enthusiastic response made me smile, so I asked her what was making her feel so marvelous.

All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming. — Helen KellerCharacter and wisdom are sculpted over time.

Reflecting on the reminders above can be incredibly grounding when life doesn’t go as planned. But what can you do if the immediate tension inside you is spiraling out of control?Here’s a brief outline of some initial steps Marc and I actively take (and cover with our course students and live event attendees) to cope with the immediate tension that arises from unfavorable outcomes in our lives:The bottom line is that when life dishes you a harsh dose of reality, the best first steps involve sitting silently and witnessing the thoughts passing through you.

When you try to control too much, you enjoy too little. Sometimes you just need to let go, relax, take a deep breath and love what is.This morning I met up with an old friend, someone whom I care about deeply but have internally struggled with for years because I’ve always been worried about her health.I want to help her heal, because I feel I’m losing her.I want to teach her the time-tested tools for living a happier, simpler, healthier life that I’ve helped so many other people with — so she can give up her addictions, take up exercise and mindfulness, nurture her needs, and suddenly be transformed into a healthy person again.But that’s not reality.

You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, FINE enough, and STRONG enough. You don’t need other people to validate you; you are already VALUABLE.Sometimes we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone, but we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try. The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections.

nodded again.Sara started off as a shot put competitor, but spent every single afternoon running and training with the rest of the track team.  She was very competitive, and by the end of our freshman year she was down to 219 pounds.  She also won 2nd place in the countywide shot put tournament that year.  Three years later, during our senior year, she won 3rd place in the 10K run.  Her competitive weight at the time was 132 pounds.There was a time when Sara was convinced that it was impossible to lose weight because, in her past experience, it had never worked out the way she had hoped.  She had completely lost faith in herself.  But, with consistency—with a daily ritual of trying again and again—she restored her faith and achieved the “impossible.”  And when Sara showed up to my 37th birthday (pool) party and BBQ recently, I smiled when I overheard another guest she just met compliment her on her bathing suit and physique.Of course, Sara still works really hard—she tries again—every single day to maintain what she has achieved.And, so do I…Some people get this idea about me, because I’m a New York Times bestselling author who has spent the past decade writing and teaching people how to create more success and happiness in their lives, that I don’t ever fall short and fail miserably in these areas.  But of course, I’m human, so that’s not true at all.  I fall short and fail at things much more than you might imagine, and certainly far more than I’d often like to admit.  And, it feels just as horrible for me as it does for you or anyone else—I absolutely lose faith in myself sometimes.Deep down, of course, I know these negative reactions aren’t helpful.  So I own up to what happened, learn a lesson or two, and then get

Your goal is to grow so strong on the inside that nothing on the outside can affect your inner peace of mind without your conscious permission.The ultimate measure of your wisdom and strength? How calm you are when facing any given situation. Yes, calmness is a human superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your thoughts clean and your heart at peace, which instantly gives you an upper hand regardless of your circumstances.Thus, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will ever have to overcome is your own mind.

So I wrote those two quotes down again, just as I remembered them, and posted them up on the wall over my nightstand. I woke up to these quotes every morning for several years thereafter, and they helped keep me centered.I also took tiny steps, day in and day out, until I knew I was finally moving down the right path again. For anyone else who feels stuck and without a real sense of how to take the next step forward, I offer the following suggestions.

The truth does not cease to exist when it is forgotten.You know how you can read or hear something dozens of times in dozens of different ways before it finally sinks in? The little truths listed below fall firmly into that category — timeless life lessons that many of us likely learned years ago, and have been reminded of ever since, yet for whatever reason we tend to forget in the heat of the moment.This, my friends, is my attempt at helping all of us, myself included, “get it” and “remember it” once and for all, especially as we collectively cope with the evolving struggles in the world today…Reminder: Our 6th annual Think Better, Live Better conference just took place this past weekend in Orlando. If you didn’t attend in person, get yourself a full recording of the 2022 live event HERE.We know deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to all of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know.

The goal is to grow so strong on the inside that nothing on the outside can affect your inner wellness without your conscious permission.How you cope with unexpected stress and frustration can easily be the difference between living a good life and living an unhealthy one. If you choose unhealthy coping mechanisms like avoidance or denial, for example, you can quickly turn a tough situation into a tragic one.

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate.

Mental strength is incredibly important. Take care of your mind and the way you speak to yourself.

Our character is often most evident at our highs and lows. Be humble at the mountaintops, be strong in the valleys, and be faithful in between.Why are we feeling this way—so beaten up and worn down?Why do we, who start out so passionate, courageous, worthy and believing, become utterly bankrupt by the youthful age of 30, 40 or 50?Why is it that one of us drowns in material consumption and debt, another self-mutilates, a third seeks oblivion in hard liquor and gambling, a fourth, in order to stifle fear and judgment, cynically tramples and berates her own individuality, intelligence, and priceless youth?Why is it that, once fallen, we don’t attempt to rise back up? Or, having lost one thing, why don’t we attempt to seek another?Why? Why? Why!!!Because we give up on ourselves too soon.We let that monster named negativity chew us up and spit us out into a mucky puddle of self-doubt.And we’ve all been there at some point too.

Reminder: Our 6th annual Think Better, Live Better conference is taking place May 28-29, 2022 in Orlando. We just released 10 more discounted early bird tickets that are still available right now (while they last). Check out the 2022 event here.Happiness doesn’t start with a relationship, a vacation, a job… or an election.

The ability to not overreact, or engage too deeply in life’s drama, keeps your mind clear, your heart at peace, and you fully composed in otherwise uncontrollable situations.Why do we get so easily stressed out and sucked into drama?It’s because the world isn’t the predictable, orderly, blissful place we’d like it to be. We want things to be easy, comfortable and well ordered.

Inspiration Journal.Throughout the second half of her life, she used this journal to jot down ideas, thoughts, quotes, song lyrics, and anything else that moved her. She would read excerpts from her journal to me when I was growing up, and I would listen and ask questions. I honestly credit a part of who I am now to the wisdom she bestowed on me when I was young.Although I’ve shared her wisdom with blog subscribers and book readers in the past, today is the day she became an angel fifteen years ago.

Those experiences were brutal.  Each of them, naturally, knocked us down and off course for a period of time.  But once we accepted the truth, by giving up our innocent ideals and letting go of the way things used to be, we pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.Getting to the right state of mind—one that actually allowed us to move forward with our lives—required mindful practice.  Because when we were initially faced with each one of those brutal experiences—when we were standing at the forefront of another rocky crossroads in our lives—you better believe our minds were spinning with negative emotions.  We had to learn to catch ourselves in that negative state of emotional unrest, and then consciously calm our minds, so we could think straight, and make the best decisions possible with the hand we’d been dealt.The simplest way of doing this?Proactive daily reminders.It’s all about keeping the right thoughts at the top of your mind every day, so they’re readily available on those inevitable days when you need them most.  For us, that meant sitting down quietly with ourselves every morning and reflecting on precisely what we needed to remember.  We used quotes (many of which are tiny excerpts from our books) like the ones below to do just that.  Some people call them affirmations, or mantras, or prayers, or convictions, but in any case these daily reminders kept us on track by keeping calm, peaceful, productive thoughts and perspectives at the top of our minds, even when life got utterly chaotic.We ultimately learned that peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard realities to deal with—peace means to be in the midst of all those things and

What we ultimately do comes out of who we believe we are.A good friend of mine, who graduated with honors from Cal Berkley several years ago, is now the co-founder and CEO of a successful start-up in Silicon Valley. Throughout grade school she struggled with reading and writing disabilities. She spent kindergarten all the way through 12th grade in English ESE classes.

you’re human, and human beings are imperfect creatures that make misjudgments constantly. We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. And as our minds subconsciously dwell on these things, we try to distract ourselves to numb the tension we feel.

Don’t be afraid.Have faith.Trust the journey.Don’t let your expectations of how life “should be” blind you to the beauty of the life you’re living.And of course, if you’re struggling with trusting the journey and taming your expectations right now, know that you are not alone. Many of us are here with you, working hard to let go, find more presence and acceptance, and get our thinking back on track.

glanced at her masterpiece one last time, and walked out the door into the moonlight. And as she walked, she thought, and then she walked some more.While she was walking, she didn’t notice the clouds and the stars in the sky who were trying to signal her, because she was preoccupied with an important decision she had to make. She had to choose one thing to do out of all the possibilities in the world.

What we ultimately do comes out of who we believe we are.A good friend of mine, who graduated with honors from Cal Berkley several years ago, is now the co-founder and CEO of a successful start-up in Silicon Valley. Throughout grade school she struggled with reading and writing disabilities. She spent kindergarten all the way through 12th grade in English ESE classes.

Those experiences were brutal.  Each of them, naturally, knocked us down and off course for a period of time.  But once we accepted the truth, by giving up our innocent ideals and letting go of the way things used to be, we pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.Getting to the right state of mind—one that actually allowed us to move forward with our lives—required mindful practice.  Because when we were initially faced with each one of those brutal experiences—when we were standing at the forefront of another rocky crossroads in our lives—you better believe our minds were spinning with negative emotions.  We had to learn to catch ourselves in that negative state of emotional unrest, and then consciously calm our minds, so we could think straight, and make the best decisions possible with the hand we’d been dealt.The simplest way of doing this?Proactive daily reminders.It’s all about keeping the right thoughts at the top of your mind every day, so they’re readily available on those inevitable days when you need them most.  For us, that meant sitting down quietly with ourselves every morning and reflecting on precisely what we needed to remember.  We used quotes (many of which are tiny excerpts from our books) like the ones below to do just that.  Some people call them affirmations, or mantras, or prayers, or convictions, but in any case these daily reminders kept us on track by keeping calm, peaceful, productive thoughts and perspectives at the top of our minds, even when life got utterly chaotic.We ultimately learned that peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard realities to deal with—peace means to be in the midst of all those things and

you’re human, and human beings are imperfect creatures that make misjudgments constantly. We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. And as our minds subconsciously dwell on these things, we try to distract ourselves to numb the tension we feel.

Don’t be afraid.Have faith.Trust the journey.Don’t let your expectations of how life “should be” blind you to the beauty of the life you’re living.And of course, if you’re struggling with trusting the journey and taming your expectations right now, know that you are not alone. Many of us are here with you, working hard to let go, find more presence and acceptance, and get our thinking back on track.

glanced at her masterpiece one last time, and walked out the door into the moonlight. And as she walked, she thought, and then she walked some more.While she was walking, she didn’t notice the clouds and the stars in the sky who were trying to signal her, because she was preoccupied with an important decision she had to make. She had to choose one thing to do out of all the possibilities in the world.

The afternoon always understands what the morning never even suspected.Everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head.Every day. All the time.YOU are telling yourself a story right now.And this story is simply a collection of beliefs that ultimately makes you what you are – it lays the foundation for every action you take or don’t take in life.

Why do we always take things so personally?There are admittedly quite a few viable and valid answers to consider. But, the one Angel and I have found to be most common through a decade of one-on-one coaching with our course students, coaching clients, and live event attendees is the tendency we all have of putting ourselves at the center, and seeing everything — every event, conversation, circumstance, etc.—from the viewpoint of how it relates to us on a personal level. And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling hurt when other people are rude, to feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.Of course, we are not really at the center of everything.

to discuss the details right now, because honestly, they aren’t relevant. It could have been a car accident. It could have been old age.

“I have seen and touched and danced and sang and climbed and loved and meditated on a lifetime spent living honestly. Should it all end tonight, I can positively say there would be no regrets. I feel fortunate to have walked 90 years in my shoes.

our students, coaching clients, readers, and conference attendees dozens of times over the past decade, and we usually get thanked for doing so. The specifics differ slightly every time we share them, but the core lessons carry forth.My challenge for you today is to read the first metaphor below. Then come back tomorrow and read the next one.

“What day is it?” asked Pooh. “It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.

It only takes one person to make you happy and change your life: YOU.I am endlessly fascinated by the link between the way we choose to live our lives and the happiness we enjoy on a daily basis. There are choices that you make every day, some of which seem completely unrelated to your happiness, that dramatically impact the way you feel mentally and physically.Over the years, through our coaching practice, live events, and happiness course, Marc and I have literally spoken to hundreds of people who are struggling to find happiness in their lives.

yourself a fair chance recently to change and grow, too?Have you consciously loosened your grip on everything that’s behind you, so you can step forward again with grace?If you’re shaking your head, you aren’t alone. I know exactly how you feel.

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in your journey.It’s always necessary to accept when some part of your life has reached its inevitable end.  Closing the door, completing the chapter, turning the page, etc.

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” – Friedrich NietzscheThe wisest, most loving, and well-rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have been shattered by heartbreak. Yes, life creates the greatest humans by breaking them first.

a new course student. It caught my attention for obvious reasons.

You’ve come a long way, and you’re still learning and growing. Be thankful for the lessons.

“Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars.” — Violeta ParraIt’s a dull, subdued sensation, when your heart is breaking, like the muffled sound of a distant gunshot.  It doesn’t physically pierce your skin or tear you to pieces, but the sensation is physically present – the paralyzing discomfort of realizing that something you took for granted is leaving for good.Although it’s hard to accept at first, this is actually a good sign, having a broken heart.  It means you have loved something, you have tried for something, and you have let life teach you.Life will attempt to break you down sometimes; nothing and no one can completely protect you from this reality.  Remaining alone and hiding from the world

As you continue to travel the road of life, do your best to avoid letting anyone or anything get in the way of your joy. Live a life that sizzles and pops and makes you laugh out loud every day.

been transcribed with permission from coaching sessions we’ve recently conducted with three of our course students. And if there’s one thing these students’ stories have it common, it’s the importance of not taking things too personally.The father on the train wasn’t deliberately trying to annoy other passengers—he was thinking through one of the hardest realities of his life.

25th birthday.Ethan was also my friend. Although not as multi-talented as Alyssa, he was incredibly smart, particularly when it came to money and business tactics.

“If you’re always grateful for the little things, it’s hard to avoid momentary happiness. It’s a lack of gratitude that often keeps us feeling down.”There’s a little ritual Angel and I practice every single day, that can turn hard days into easier ones, and extremely difficult life situations into far better ones—and it won’t surprise you either.

Life keeps leading us on journeys we would never go on if it were up to us. Don’t be afraid.

As you age, you’ll learn to value your time, genuine relationships, meaningful work, and peace of mind, much more. Little else will matter.Deep down you know this already, right?Yet today, just like the majority of us, you are distracted by everything else.You give too much of your time to meaningless time-wasters.You take your important relationships for granted.You get to work, skeptically, with inner resistance.And you let needless stress get the best of you.Why?Because you’re human, and human beings are imperfect creatures that make misjudgments constantly.