Emily Nagoski liking feelings pleasure Emily Nagoski

A Sexual Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Buying an Adult Toy

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The first time it was suggested to me that I should invest in an adult toy was about six years ago. I had just disclosed my sexual abuse to my then-therapist and she knew I was extremely triggered by sex.

Her solution was a version of extreme exposure therapy to help desensitize me to sex, which included reading erotica she suggested, watching “gay porn,” and regular masturbation.

What she failed to recognize because she was not a trauma therapist, was that none of this was going to be possible or even safe for me to do until we processed my abuse, something she wasn’t equipped to help me do.

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