The slow fog of PMDD

mind.org.uk:

April is PMD (Premenstrual Disorder) Awareness month, so I wanted to give you an insight into what PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) can be like and share a bit about the condition.If you know meYou likely see the me I enjoy beingFeel lucky to beExcited about ideas, about what you’re doing, what we can do togetherReady to listen, to smile, to laugh.10-14 days into my menstrual cycle it’s as if my battery breaksThe ground beneath me dropsFeelings of dread, self-loathing, hopelessness seep inIntrusive thoughts of self-harm on a loopA brick wall between me and the things I did a day earlier without thinking- get up, shower, dress, log on, text, talk, tidy, cook –This is what you don’t see.If I can go out, I move in a slow fogAround people, I grip my partner's hand or arm to keep me safe, connected, away from spiralling flights of fear Best case scenario I’m numb, so tired, I give up and just sleep.The day after my cycle ends, when a new one begins, all this vanishesI stand on solid groundI’m happy, life feels lighterThe sun comes out, and I smile.I didn’t know until recently that these mental health dips were linked to my hormones and menstrual cycle.

Who knew? Growing up in the 90s, part of our feminism was denying any difference between men and women. Periods were embarrassing, PMS a weakness and a joke to be used against us.I discovered PMDD in my late 30s.

I describe it as severe PMS to explain how it affects me cyclically and link it to something people know about. For it to be PMDD the mental and emotional symptoms impact your daily living.