“It’s not a matter of letting go—you would if you could. Instead of ‘Let it go,’ we should probably say ‘Let it be.'” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn When I was in my twenties, I went to see an acupuncturist because I’d been through a and felt uncertain about my life path and purpose. “Went” is a kind way of saying it; I was dragged.
I didn’t want to go, but my family was going and thought it might be supportive with all that I was going through. I was dealing with a lot of rough emotions and felt like I was on a daily roller coaster of lows.
The ride took me from anger, to sadness, back to regret, and to general disappointment in myself and life. I felt so angry that life had taken me down that path and that I hadn’t seen the breakup coming. I continued repeating this mental narrative for months, and my biggest trigger was thinking about the mistakes I’d made—starting with choosing a relationship that looked good on paper because I’d been hurt in the past when I’d followed my heart. It was a whirlwind of an unhealthy relationship, and when I looked back, I wasn’t sure how it happened, but I knew that I was untrue to myself and to others.
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