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The Myth of Using Explaining and Defending As Viable Forms of Control

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Do you believe that explaining and defending will convince the other person to see things your way? Has this ever worked? “What’s the matter with you?”“How could you do that?”“Explain yourself, young lady/young man.”“Why are you dressed like that?”“Why are you late again?”“What did you do to your hair!” How often did you hear some variation of this when you were growing up?

I heard it all the time. And what I learned to do was to desperately defend and explain in fruitless attempts to get my mom or dad to stop judging me and SEE me.

Or I would apologize and become the “good girl,” so they would approve of me. Of course didn’t work. But that didn’t stop me from trying because I just didn’t know what else to do – other than completely give

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