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“Oversharing Is My Default Mode. So Is the RSD-Induced Shame I Feel Afterward.”

I overshare. I do it when I meet new people, when someone compliments me, or I find a shred of common ground.I don’t intentionally overshare; I just want to relate. So, I instinctively provide as much information as possible in the secret hope that they will interrupt me and say those magic words: “Me, too!”Sometimes, my oversharing triggers drama.

It can also make an overwhelming first impression, which isn’t how you’re meant to do introductions. This is not my intention or hope, and often I find that negativity and harm trace back to someone’s misperceptions of my motives — or their feelings, personal history, and biases. We can blame poor communication sometimes, but I also find it tough to overcome a person’s first impression or gut reaction to my ADHD way of being.Complicating this is the idea that conversations are transactional, and one must not interrupt because “it’s rude.” So, when we become hyperverbal, people assume we’re all give and no take — that we’re not interested in listening to what they say when we really are.

Here’s an example: Inviting new acquaintances to my home. Maybe I want to show them the plant I mentioned or evidence of a new hobby. They may think I am flirting or “being too intense.” But I genuinely want to show proof of our shared interests.

I just spent the summer renovating my apartment, and I want to show them the transformation I’m so proud of![Self-Test: Could You Have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?]Sometimes, I get so hyperverbal that I miss social cues and cross an invisible boundary. Then I inevitably and awkwardly back-peddle or correct myself, making everyone uncomfortable. Like many people with ADHD, I am good at masking my social struggles.

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My Default Mode

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