Who suffers more? Endures more? Works more? The spouse with ADHD, or the spouse without? It’s easy to believe that your role — whichever one that may be — is the hardest. But when comparison enters a marriage, nobody wins — not even the one who’s “in the right.”So who has it tougher? That’s really not a valid or helpful question. These are: What’s difficult for you, and what’s difficult for me? And how can we understand each other?My husband (who has ADHD) and I (who don’t) recently sat down and had a frank conversation about ADHD.
No matter how much we think we understand the condition, it still manages to slither in between us, regularly dividing and pitting us against each other.Could we discuss it without fighting?Turns out that with a laptop between us, we could be neutralized enough to learn an awful lot about how we each perceive ADHD and its effects on our marriage. Welcome to the He Said (ADHD) / She Said (Neurotypical) edition of this blog. Perhaps you’ll see yourself in here somewhere.[Free Handout: 6 Ways ADHD Sabotages Relationships]She said: I feel like you only tell me half-truths.
You keep things from me — like how the mortgage company was expecting us to pay that fee. We had several conversations about it, but you never mentioned it. Then I got a threatening letter from the bank and was totally blindsided.
The whole time, you made it seem like you had things under control.He said: I don’t lie to you, but if I don’t have the answer you want to hear, I don’t want to tell you it’s not resolved. That’s the thing about ADHD. When I have good news, I can’t wait to tell you.
When I have bad news, I don’t want to say it. And then sometimes, I just plain forget. Then it gets tense because you have to drag it out
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