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Q: “Are My Kids’ Messy Rooms a Sign of Laziness or Weak Executive Functioning Skills?”

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Q: “I’m guilty of spoiling my kids. When it comes to cleaning their bedrooms, organizing their closets, and putting away toys or school supplies, I’ve always been by their side, helping — or doing the work.

Now that they are 11 and 14, I realize my actions have been unhelpful. If I tell them to ‘clean the basement’ or ‘clean your room,’ they get so overwhelmed that it never gets done.

How can I teach them to be more self-reliant? I need to stop coddling them, and they need help knowing what to do.” — MomGuiltHi MomGuilt:I’m thrilled to be answering your question as we spend a lot of time in our Order Out of Chaos community discussing how best to support and scaffold our children with ADHD and executive function challenges.To truly understand what challenges your daughters may be facing, you need to understand the concept of “executive age,” which is a person’s age based on how their brain works.

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