“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” ~Eckart Toll
It was perfect. Well, almost.
I was doing the work I love, with someone I love, my two boys were thriving, and we seemed to finally be on the road to retirement. What could possibly be wrong with this picture?
A lot, apparently.
I was waking up worried and unsatisfied. Always feeling like life was missing something, like I was missing something, not doing enough, asking: How can my business be better? What will my kids do next year? Is my partner gaining weight? Did I run yesterday?
and contracted my body before I had a chance to get ahead of it. It was an unease that something just wasn’t quite right. And if it was, then it wouldn’t be for long.
I knew enough about neuroscience and anxiety to know what was happening.
Negative thoughts are a protective pattern that come from scanning our environment for potential threats.
Our ancestors were wired this way to survive, thankfully, and we are probably in the first generation that can even talk about the word “abundance,” at least in this part of the world. The of feeling unsafe is in the recent past and runs deep in our DNA, especially for women.
But even armed with all the knowledge of trauma and all the best practices of breathing, meditation, and yoga, there was still a missing link.
My worries seemed trivial given the war that was raging in the world. It seemed self-indulgent to want more, to even consider that this was not enough. Even when it felt enough, it was because all the factors were lining up in that moment, but it felt precarious, like a house of cards—even though I knew it wasn’t.
All the self-help books promised I could “reach for my dreams” and
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