Most marriages have a natural course that starts with idealization. It is found in the wedding ceremony, a grand societal gesture of love and hope.
It is ‘til death do us part. Yes, very nice. But, we don’t live with an idealization of marriage or with someone who is less than human.
To make marriages work, most married couples must segue through incremental disappointments that lead to loving a real, flesh-and-blood person, who also loves you, a flawed, but authentic real guy or gal as well. The Starter Marriage: James Hollis, the great contemporary Jungian scholar, calls this process the “starter marriage” which he derives from ownership of one’s starter home.
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