In my experience, there is nothing worse than a medical condition you’ve felt terrible about suddenly becoming visible and there is no denying that you have it. Over the years, I’ve grown to love every square inch of my health and self, but these health conditions I endure put my many beliefs to the test.
Now that it’s summertime, I’ve been unbelievably self-conscious about my appearance. About a month ago, after having gone through months of long-haul COVID, I was then diagnosed with Behcet’s disease, an autoimmune form of vasculitis.
It’s disheartening and painful, and when I’m in a flareup, the world is dead to me and vice versa.
During these flare-up periods, I have the tendency to feel like my health is my worst enemy. If you also have many diseases, such as heart and lung disease and autoimmune diseases, then you can probably empathize with me when I say that I feel like my symptoms and conditions have an agenda: to keep me down emotionally and physically and wreak utter havoc in all aspects of my life and world.
I’ve had this paralyzing thought while I was running around Croatia and Paris in recent weeks and struggling to enjoy myself despite not being at my healthiest levels of energy and strength. I’d had another arrangement planned for those trips that didn’t pan out the way I’d hoped or had initially wanted. And I knew all my health struggles in the previous few months caused this colossal turn of events I couldn’t have anticipated.
Though everything went well and my work and vacations were major successes, my heart was somewhat dinged and shattered. My health had, yet again, affected and changed the course of something it shouldn’t have. This has been a recurring problem for me.
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