It’s easy to make a list of what you want in a perfect mate—it’s a great place to start because it is easy—but if you are trying to improve your dating success, you can’t stop there.
Knowing what you want is only half the story. Knowing who you are and what you offer is a big part of the other half.
For many people, it’s easy to dream up the perfect partner. It’s almost like shopping. You can use filters for gender, age, height, weight, religion, job, part of the world they live in, etc.
However, if you want to marry a self-made billionaire, with homes in Monaco, Malibu and Berlin, who speaks only Swedish—but you’re a barista in Brooklyn who rarely gets out of the house, you’ve got a discrepancy between who you are and who you want. The way you’re going to meet that person isn’t immediately obvious.
I’m not saying you can’t follow your dreams, but you need to be the person who can make your dreams come true. If you aren’t, that’s the best place to invest your energy and make changes.
I hear from lots of men and women with complaints about dating. They post long-winded questions on my relationship forum; detailing the problems with people they’re dating and the dynamics they encountered that aren’t working for them.
Your contributions to the relationship impact your dating success
It’s easy to point fingers. However, looking in the mirror and asking yourself what your contribution to the relationship is—good or bad—is much more difficult, and much less intuitive. Yet, that’s a big part of relationship success.
Get out of your own head and think about what that other person you’ve conjured up in your mind—or have manifested in an actual date—is looking for! If he or she pays attention to
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